You’ve Got Some ‘Splaining To Do…

Some of my best friends David & Jessica (who had one of my most favorite weddings of all time – need to do a dedicated blog post about that!) sent me an old NY Times article of great questions that couples should ask (or wish they had) each other before they get married. Read the whole thing here – but here are the 15 questions. Definitely worth talking through if you’re about to get married, or even if you’re a newly wed (not too late!).

stock photo : Couple talking in the quiet  cafe

1. Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2. Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3. Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4. Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5. Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6. Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7. Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9. Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10. Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

11. Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12. What does my family do that annoys you?

13. Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?

15. Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

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One Response to “You’ve Got Some ‘Splaining To Do…”

  1. sara Says:

    Good questions. I would also add that the answers will be fluid and change as the relationship grows, so I think the list should be revisited every so often. Chuck and I should probably check our answers soon. Games like Table Topics are helpful to discover important insight into your spouse too.

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