Only Words?

I’ve been scanning the files in my memory for readings at weddings I’ve been to that have been meaningful and memorable. I know we’re going to have Will’s eldest sister, Brooke, do one of the readings… and I actually love the idea of doing a Greek choral-style reading as well. Basically, we’d give 3 or 4 friends / family from the crowd read a couple of lines of a piece of poetry or literature, which they would stand and read from their pew. I read about someone doing this in their wedding once, and it struck me because I know how much a marriage’s success can bee encouraged by the community of family and friends around you.

Here are some I’ve found that I like… Please post a comment if you have another one to suggest!

“The Bargain” by Sir Philip Sidney
My true love hath my heart, and I have his,
By just exchange one for another given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss,
There never was a better bargain driven:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.

His heart in me keeps him and me in one,
My heart in him his thoughts and senses guides:
He loves my heart, for once it was his own,
I cherish his because in me it bides:
My true love hath my heart, and I have his.

Scottish Wedding Prayer
Lord help us to remember when
We first met and the strong
love that grew between us.
To work that love into
practical things so that nothing
can divide us.
We ask for words both kind
and loving and hearts always
ready to ask forgiveness
as well as to forgive.
Dear Lord, we put our
marriage into your hands

Colossians 3:12-17
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I Love You…

I love you.
You are my best friend.
Today I give myself to you in marriage.
I promise to encourage and inspire you,
to laugh with you, and to comfort you
in times of sorrow and struggle.
I promise to love you in good times and in bad,
when life seems easy and when it seems hard,
when our love is simple, and when it is an effort.
I promise to cherish you,
and to always hold you in highest regard.
These things I give to you today,
and all the days of our life.

I Promise
by Dorothy R. Colgane

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength, and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost
fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship
alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.
Completely and forever.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

Ruth 1:16-17
But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from following you; for where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

“Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus may the LORD do to me, and worse, if anything but death parts you and me.”

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Louis de Bernieres
Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

Counting Down

There are precisely 131 days until my wedding. I know this because all of the requisite sites that you “simply must” create accounts on (TheKnot, MyWedding, Macy’s registry, Crate & Barrel registry and such) all tell you when you log on… To the tune of “Hi Jennifer & Will! It’s 131 days until your wedding!” The exclamation points seem to make the sites scream it at you in a frantic, frazzled sort of way.

Over the last month or so, I’ve been feeling much more under control when it comes to wedding planning things – most of the really significant ones are checked off the list… Wedding dress? Check. Venues? Check. Music? Stationary? Bridesmaids dresses? Check, check, check. However, I’ve also started to have the anxious, “oops! I forgot something REALLY BIG!” dreams that all of my friends who have gotten married told me they had too.

Last week, I dreamed I forgot to pick a veil (which, note to self: must still do) and that I somehow didn’t ever sign the florist’s contract, so there weren’t any flowers. I woke up all panicky and flustered.

All of this makes me committed to A) being an even better list maker than I typically am and B) remembering what I swore I would at the beginning of the engagement: to be sure and enjoy the process and not be so outcome oriented.

The truth is, there will likely be something that goes wrong on my wedding day. Someone will be late or the linens on the reception tables will be burgundy (ew!) instead of fuchsia / magenta or some such travesty (sarcasm intended).

But really, I want to relish the fact that I know I’m marrying the right person and have fun with all of it, knowing that I’m only doing this once – it’s a truly once-in-a-lifetime experience that I’m getting to share with my best friend. I guess if I forget, I can re-read this blog post.

Happy week, friends!

<3, Jennifer

Poetic License

Will & I went to our friends Becky & Billy’s wedding over the weekend (very fun, at Emory Conference Center). The marriage blended Irish Catholic and Jewish families, so most of the readings and themes were love & marriage-focussed, rather than spiritually. During the ceremony, one of the readings was the following poem. I liked it, and thought I’d share.

“Why Marriage?” by Mari Nichols-Haining

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I’m unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me…

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold…

Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship…

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements…

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole…

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me,
I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage…

Because with this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

Lost Your Much-ness?

I posted on Twitter last week that I feel like I’ve “lost my muchness.”

A couple of weeks ago I finally saw the new Tim Burton version of “Alice in Wonderland.” I’ll admit that it was never among my favorite fairy tales, but I still wanted to see what turned out to be (as expected) a feast for the eyes. In the movie, Alice is transported to Wonderland and square in the middle of struggle of good vs. evil. It had been foretold that an Alice would defeat the jabberwocky, a super-scary dragon-like creature. Alice doesn’t think she’s the one. The whole movie chronicles her journey from being afraid to finding the courage to be who she was meant to be – a hero.

Along the way, she comes across all of the characters who make the story so whimsical – the silly (and not very smart)Tweedledee and Tweedledumb, the evil Red Queen, the elusive Cheshire Cat and the quirky Mad Hatter. In the movie, the Mad Hatter is expertly handled by Johnny Depp, an actor who I can only imagine is pretty quirky in real life. At one point along the journey, he looks at Alice and says, “You’ve lost your muchness,” meaning the child version of Alice was much bolder and courageous than the adult version standing before him.

For some reason, that dialogue resonated with me. I don’t usually write personal essay-style blog posts, leaving that to my friends who seem to be much more comfortable with that style than I (Katie, Angel and Sara Beth are just a few). But something about the “muchness” quote begged me to write. I think I identify with it so much because when I was younger I feel like I knew what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be. And, while those things are still in my heart, I some how feel beaten down a bit (professionally) to the point that I don’t feel as confident to embrace them as I once did. I’ve shaped my adult life be being a “do-er,” rather than a talker… someone who faced challenges head on, even seeking them out deliberately. It’s something that I’m committed to getting back and embracing once more.

What about you? Do you feel like a job or a challenge or a relationship has created so much friction in your life that it feels like pieces of yourself are chipped away? Even as I’m typing this, the words “we were meant to live for so much more, but we lost ourselves” (song by Switchfoot) is playing in the background. If you feel like a piece or pieces of you are missing, be committed to getting them back. Your drive, your bravery, your passion, your zest for life and the wonder opportunities that exist for you and around you… those are too precious to allow anything to take them away. I know it’s a tough economy out there and sometimes it seems like we’re presented with limited options, but it’s so important to never feel locked into one path. Are you truly thriving? Or just existing day-to-day? Find the thing that makes you tick and pursue with with the full force of everything you have.

I’m committed to getting my muchness back – are you?